Two Weddings and a Funeral

Well not quite, but it will be my cousin's funeral if she decides to have her wedding the same weekend as mine!

Can you believe that? Neither can I!

A few days ago, my mom emails me to tell me that my 2nd cousin got engaged.. "Oh, how lovely," I say.

But wait, there's more!

My mom tells me that originally my cousin was planning to have her wedding the SAME DAY as mine, but in England. However, when her father, my mom's cousin, told her that he wants to go to my wedding – she decided to move hers to the DAY BEFORE in NYC.

Why is she so determined to have her wedding on that weekend? Well, this is the kicker... her birthday! Who in their right mind wants to have her wedding on her birthday? A selfish b*tch, that's who! But I would think that the same selfishness that would entice the idea of a wedding/birthday, would then also entice the idea of having two days of celebrations and gifts rather than one.. sort of a Catch 22.

Anyways, the idea was posed to me as a "good thing for our shared guests". I bought into it for about 30 mins, but then I got to thinking.. It's not good at all! Our shared guests would have less than 12 hours between our weddings with 1.5 hr travel time. They are all from out of town, so they would have to rent cars to get out to Long Island from the city.

Ok, so I would like to say that my anger over the matter is just about the guests, but really it's just the reason that makes me feel it's ok to complain about it so much. I am angry because I'm not quite sure how anyone, let alone a family member, would think that this is appropriate. I'm balled over by the rudeness of even the thought of two weddings in one weekend.

I have visions of wearing white, even a veil - to her wedding. Voodoo doll her the night before like "The Witches of Eastwick". I want her to spill red sauce on her dress and tear her veil. I want her to trip down the aisle as everyone points and laughs. When she looks back on her wedding day, I want her to be sorry she ever chose that weekend. I want her to know that everything that went wrong was because she did me wrong. I want to go to one of her nightclub shows and heckle the heck out of her. I want to punch her in the face and kick her when she's down. That will get her back!

But I'm a nice person, I know that two wrongs will not make a right and the only thing I can do is disinvite her to my wedding. I know, in the end, that my wedding will be wonderful no matter what. I know that I won't even be able to attend her wedding to see that evil woman walk down the aisle. I know that my guests will have a wonderful time.. that's all that matters, right?

hmm..